im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
