help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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