I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
smell my finger.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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