This is not my ceiling
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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