So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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