If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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