when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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