Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
