I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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