What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
