I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
