i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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