I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
