do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
