I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
