I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
