You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
