i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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