The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
