A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
