hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I did not marry a roomba.
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