Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
