I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
