She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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