Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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