Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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