I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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