So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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