If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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