Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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