The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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