it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You ruined the universe
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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