dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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