I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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