some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
