I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
