She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
