He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
