her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I supernannyed him into submission
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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