The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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