fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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