i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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