he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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