Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
