i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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