He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
