For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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