I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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