He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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