Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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