I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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