im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
