roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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