Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
