i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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