I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
