My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
