Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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