Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
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No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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