i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
