I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
