Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
