Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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