Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
