I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
