i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
