I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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