Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
