She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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