We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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