I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
