Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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