We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
