I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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