I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
