Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
