Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
