I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
