watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just cropdusted the office
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
