um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
