So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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