sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
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I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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