a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
