I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
