The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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