Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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