i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
