so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
