Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
