what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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